People often ask Me what they can do for Me to please Me, to
impress Me or show their devotion to Me, but above all: what can they do to
really stand out among the many. I really do have everything I could possibly
need, the tributes roll in on schedule and My WishLists have been filled and
bought out many times over. I get flowers sent, gifts brought to My door, trips
to the spa, and even a platinum card with My name on it whose bills go to one
very generous slave. However after mentioning all of these types of
suggestions, I am beginning to wonder if some of My current and potential
devoted subjects are hoping for a more unique, personal and one of a kind way
to show their truest feelings to Me.
I have sat down long and hard to come up with a selection of
truly one of a kind, stand out above the rest, very original ideas you could
pursue in the hopes of getting My attention and appreciation. As someone
recently told Me upon hearing that they had made Me laugh, “Giving someone like
You the gift of laughter is the best thing I could ever do for You.”
So, in no particular order, here is a Very Special
Ellechemical Treasure Hunt, open to all who may dare, gamble pride in the hopes
to please, risk public ridicule, and perhaps face a possible awkward confrontation,
all for the promise of a little time spent in My limelight. Get on it. They say
there is only one chance to make a first impression. I say there are countless
opportunities to bring someone special joy.
Your MANTRA (excuse) will be: “I’m trying to win a contest.”
1. A fax of
a picture of a smartphone displaying this page.
2. A picture
of a Starbucks cup/jacket with at least 7 instructions on it.
3. A picture
of you riding transit with a ticket no less than 1 year expired.
4. A photo of you checking an email
from Me from your car – but not using a smartphone, laptop or tablet.
5. A photo of your elaborate presentation
of a TV dinner which must include the original packaging.
6. A screen shot of a Facebook post of
your creation that elicits no less than 3 WTF’s.
7. A photo of you in a shirt with a 6”x
6” QR code that links to: A YouTube video of someone churning butter.
8. A photo of you at a movie theatre
with at least 3 other people.
9. Proof that you have a Google +
account that you actually use.
10. A photo of a grocery receipt containing:
Vegetable Oil, Cucumber, Eggplant, Vaseline and Icy Hot AND NOTHING ELSE except
a tube of Polysporin if you want to go for the gold.
11. A photo of you in the hippest
restaurant you can find eating a can of Spam. (If, and only if, you are a
vegan, you may substitute for a gallon jar of pickles.)
12. Screen shots of your (CraigsList or
equivalent) correspondence with a dog walker making arrangements to walk your
Komodo Dragon.
13. A picture of you in a coffee shop holding
a receipt proving you bought the next 5 coffees in line.
14. An avatar of Me or of Me and you together
created in Microsoft Paint.
15. The high score on an arcade game – In My
Name.
16. Proof that you made a tribute to Me from
as far back as you are able to find.
17. A 30-60 second video of you on crowded
public transit wearing headphones and singing OUT LOUD one or more of the
following songs: “9 to 5” by Dolly Parton, “Morning Train” by Sheena Easton, “Eye
of the Tiger” by Survivor, “Final Countdown” by Europe or “Memories” from CATS.
18. A YouTube video of you participating in
a non-violent flash mob.
19. A link to a twitpic of a ‘selfie’ of
you listening to one of My sessions laying on a bed in a mattress store.
20. Proof of your having made a non-perishables
donation to a Food Bank with items that you have adhered googly eyes to.
We both know some of these are
easier than others, so if you are planning to do one of the easy ones without
doing one of the harder ones (or promising to do one of the harder ones later)
just know that I won’t really be all that impressed. If you are just going to
fart around, don’t even bother. I have pictures of these in My mind that will
only be outdone by a serious performance.
Happy Holidays Horde!
Hypnotically yours,
Ellechemy
+<3
~ Like everything else You conceive and do: original, fresh, well thought~out, and just brilliant! +<3
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete