Transparency

If you are hopelessly captivated by Me then I have a secret to share with you. In the 24 years I have been doing part-time gray area sex work, I have made many discoveries along the way. Yes, since 1989 I have have engaged in everything from phone sex to pro Domination, I have had My own dungeon and I have started gothic themed fetish events in Vancouver and Toronto that are still running strong today. I have pioneered new models of business, content distribution and ways to interact and engage My fans. I have incarnated under more than a couple names and aliases. No matter what I have done or will do, it is always on My terms. My other pursuits and career demands occasionally temporarily take Me away from these exploits, but I always return because the truth is that My interactions with submissive minds ignites My dominance and I like it.  

Six years ago in 2009 I emerged as Ellechemy, the HypnoDomme. I was delighted to discover the community for FemDom Hypnosis (FD Hypno) at Inraptured after being introduced and invited there by a local submissive I was playing with at the time and had met on FetLife. I was told to be careful because there were a lot of social rules, many of which were unspoken, and I was implored to be extremely respectful of the other more established HypnoDommes and their property. I was the new girl, and this was before the term Insta Domme had hit. I would not have been considered an Insta Domme there had anyone know My background, but the other thing that was stressed to Me was that this community reverently relished their anonymity and their fantasies. So, I entered and interacted with many submissives and a few Dommes, many of which I am close with to this day. 

One more thing that was made crystal clear to Me as I rose through the ranks of the FD Hypno world, was that Financial Domination, though permitted in the community, was not enjoyed by many and a hard limit for some altogether. I have always been vocal in My stance that I am able to be a 24/7 natural born lifestyle Domme, and that I am a Pro Domme as well. It depends on what is going on in My life at the time and who you are which aspects of My personality will be brought out to the surface. It is always at My discretion what kind of possibilities exist for a relationship. 

I now have a healthy following and fan base for someone who operates as an independent in this world of online and in-person gray area sex work. It was My choice early on not to use sites that took a large percentage of My fee for My content and/or expected Me to share any personal or financial information. On principle, I vowed never to put Myself in the position where the customer had more protection, anonymity or rights than Me. Slowly but surely it has worked well for Me. Because I have never worked off of an adult website, cam or clip site, there has never been a third party to resolve any potential conflict, I have always taken a hands on approach with each individual who has purchased or commissioned something from Me. I have been personally responsible for every success and would be for every failure, though there have been few of those. Perhaps because I had to take care of anything less than superb Myself, when it did arise, I learned the lessons fast. Perhaps My Alpha attitude kept Me out of trouble and resolved issues before they ever became conflicts. My real life career has prepared Me well for any thing that could happen online, as has My many years of experience and involvement in the BDSM and kink scenes all across My country, and vice versa. 

It never ceases to amaze Me how respectful My fans and admirers are and have been about My boundaries. I know it goes both ways, and that is why it has taken all of this to get to the secret I have to share with some of you today. I have never once ever referred to Myself as a FinDom, even when I monetized My skill set and accepted tributes "just because"... but I have just secretly made and launched a new website exclusively for Luxury Financial Domination and this is a bigger surprise to Me than it may be to most of you. As I have with FD Hypno, I created a unique feel and personal spin on the fetish of financial domination, taking more control of you through currency. 

I would never consider killing a sub who came to Me for a session of pain infliction no matter how high the tolerance, and therefore I would never consider blackmail or bankruptcy as an option for a fin-sub, but people do not know this and ask questions out of fear and ignorance. As in all things sexy, I like to leave My subjects better than I found them. I am an optimist with a very real track record of kinky life-coaching and the references to back these claims up. I may just say yes to your gifts and graciously accept your tributes on My terms, all of which makes you more and more obsessed with what comes next... and I may liberate you from your worst fears as you face your secret desires and disgusts through high risk sexual activities with a calculating Female mind taking care of you the entire time, up to and including the after care you need to prevent a post-session freak out. I have a ridiculous amount of compassion underneath all this wonderful perversion and subversion and you know it if you're still reading this far. 

My generous nature extends now into a fetish which is so potent at a time when the scene has been very nearly over-saturated with lazy, greedy and desperate men and women flagellating themselves and their potential partners with overused catchphrases with so much stealth misogyny and the bar just seems lower than ever. This is NOT why I have launched a luxury financial domination website after years of building a loyal hypno fetish fan base. I have done so because I was invited into an exclusive world of Financial Domination, and I was reminded of being invited into the FemDom Hypno Fetish world. I thought about what I would have done differently, should an opportunity such as this arise ever again. I wanted to create a presence, a brand and to reveal My credentials more honestly and transparently in a corner of the fetish world where the risks and rewards are both very, very high. So, in conclusion, if you are not interested in following or participating in this fetish with Me, because that is a limit for you, that is okay. But if you think or even consider saying that Ellechemy is a FinDom now or has been all along, you have missed the point entirely. These two sites with their corresponding social media presence and affiliated accounts will not see much, if any, overlap. It will never be a requirement that an Ellechemy fan engage in any activity other than erotic FemDom hypnosis and neither should it be a concern or a fear that it is My agenda. For some of you, it may be, simply, an opportunity or an option.

I would like to sincerely thank you for your continued support in 

My creative endeavors, always, and I give you

A Ring of Truth

I have been thinking, as I often do, in symbolic terms about the day to day lives of My chastity slaves. There are many devotees of Ellechemy who have entered or who wish to enter into a vow of chastity for Me.

Chastity can be short term or long term. It can be playful or it can be punishment. It can involve a cage or belt that truly locks, even with piercings for added security... and it can even be enforced via hypnotic mind control.

The reasons, the benefits and the ways to make such a vow are as varied as the backgrounds and desires of the individual. Ultimately the decision is made and an agreement between Key Holder and slave is reached. A promise is made.

Here we come to the part of being a Key Holder that really interests and excites Me. The promise. I am a visual person. I embrace symbols and sigils for their power to remind the conscious mind and to transform the unconscious or the psyche of a subject, Myself included. When a promise is made, a visual or tangible object intended to remind and reinforce one's commitment becomes a very precious thing. A chastity cage or belt is far too functional to be purely symbolic. The key to the lock is both functional and symbolic, however... the chaste slave is not the one who holds the key. The chaste slave often deeply desires such a prominent emblem. A badge of honor, if you will.

From now on, those subjects who desire to experience any sort of chastity promise or play with Me will be required to have a PURITY ring that fits on the ring finger of either their left or right hand. Once the terms of abstinence are agreed to and the period begins, the subject will wear their PURITY ring for the duration. Unlike the caged, belted, locked or otherwise controlled portion of property, this PURITY ring can be displayed at all times without debilitating social consequences. There will be debilitation, that I promise you, but it can remain our little secret.

After you have obtained a suitable ring, which may or may not have words on it, you will wear the ring ONLY while in chastity. If you take off the ring for any reason, that is fine, however you may feel a strong desire not to. As a proudly owned slave, you will naturally always want to wear it.

Now this brings Me to the rule which is above all the most important to Me. That is, that you may not wear the ring while pleasuring yourself. No exceptions. If you are given permission to come out of the cage for cleaning, and you are only cleaning and not stimulating yourself for pleasure, the PURITY ring may remain on your finger. If you are wearing a cage or not, and whether or not you have permission to masturbate, you will remove the PURITY ring. Those are My orders and, subsequently, My last word on the subject.

Even if you, as a distance slave, have a slip up, you may be forgiven and even discover redemption because you still observed the rules of the PURITY ring. If you were to ever masturbate, even slightly, while wearing your PURITY ring, then you will know without a doubt that you have transgressed in a way that will reveal with absolute certainty what you are not.

As every subject, submissive or slave of Mine has ever done during the course of service to Me, you will find yourself wondering if you have pleased Me. Well, if you are able to observe this ritual of PURITY surrounding your chastity, then the answer will be Yes. If you are not able to, then simply know for yourself that you have neither pleased Me nor disappointed Me. I simply care not, or rather, I am not in a position to ever take your vow more seriously than you.

My chosen slaves are incredible human beings who bring much joy and satisfaction to My life. They challenge Me to be more than I already am, without challenging My authority for it's own sake. True submissives always have a place at My feet and will always be duly rewarded knowing without a doubt that they have done well.

Ellechemy

+<3

No Shame in My Game

"Ellechemy", i screwed up".

I regularly receive emails along these lines. The language is usually more flowery, sometimes all the way to florid. Some subs seem to love their prose as purple as their spanking marks.
These emails usually fall into one of three patterns:

1) The sub who really screwed up and earnestly wants to apologize. This almost never happens. Most subs who are self-aware enough to be completely honest in an apology are also able to head off a transgression before it occurs. When apology is necessary, and the real point, it is usually straight-forward and light on window-dressing (i.e. absent paragraphs of self-recrimination, pledges of undying devotion, etc). Note that these people NEVER ask to be punished. They apologize, I accept the apology or not, and that's that.

2) The sub who is playing out their part in a previously negotiated punishment scenario. We will have talked about their desires, planned an acceptable range of "mistakes" they can make, discussed the punishments they find most satisfying, and will have arranged a time for this to all play out. I strongly encourage clear communication regarding desires, and that includes the desire to be punished. Starting with clear disclosure makes it possible to create a scenario where those desires are addressed artfully and inventively without unduly intruding on either person.

3) The sub who likes to be punished and has "screwed up" specifically to provoke punishment.

The first situation, when it occurs, is usually resolved in a matter of minutes, with little distress on anyone's part. 
The second is grand fun for all involved.
The third... Well, the third is the primary topic of this post, through which I think we can reveal patterns that merit broader discussion.

"i screwed up. i'm being honest with you!"

A spontaneous "confession" intended to provoke punishment almost always includes several desperate affirmations of honesty: the honesty of the confession, the honesty of the remorse, the honesty of the feelings of devotion thoughtlessly abandoned in a moment of whatever it was.

I'll spare us the obvious diatribe about how often liars insist on their honesty and how rarely the honest do, or flogging the example of the used car salesman making heavy use of the phrase "trust me". I want to avoid those old chestnuts about honesty because I think there actually is a form of honesty on display in these situations.

This hypothetical person, so insistent on the honesty of their mistake and confession, is being honest in more or less the same way that Olivier is honest when he plays Hamlet (Olivier, being timeless, will always be referred to in the present tense. Always). 

There is a character they are playing with some expectation of interacting with other characters, whose responses are all derived from the same script. These characters and interactions, in accordance with the script, create a contained story that unfolds more according to rules of dramatic or thematic necessity than the often drab logic of real-world events. This is the world of suspended disbelief, of the convenient coincidence, and, most pertinent to our discussion here, of the two-dimensional character whose only purpose is to advance the plot. We'll come back to that shortly.

Regarding the honesty of our self-appointed lead character (who is also, conveniently, the writer and, unless they put themselves in check, the frustrated director): there is a very limited sort of honesty possible when there are scripts and characters involved, and that sort of honesty is at cross-purposes to the vulnerability necessary for an earnest apology. When the apology itself is part of the script, the question of honesty goes right out the window. We can no longer ask if the apology is honest or not, only whether or not the performance is convincing. 

Here it may be tempting to think that the Domme is the intended audience for this performance. This is not the case. The sub, in addition to their roles as lead, writer, and director, is also the intended audience. These are dramas played by them for their own satisfaction, and will likely enjoy a long run of repeat performances.

What, then, is the Domme, if they are not the lead, not the writer, rarely the director, and not the audience? Well, gentle readers, that brings me back to my earlier mention of two-dimensional characters who advance the plot, which is what the Domme is much of the time. They have no interests apart from those that serve the drama, their desires are devices by which situations are created that satisfy the desire of the imaginer, and nothing about their actions within the scene indicate they have any existence prior to or after the scene. At best, the Domme is a supporting character. At worst, they are a prop.

A particular Domme is, for all intents and purposes, an actor playing a role defined by the script. They do not define this role. A skilled Domme infers the lines they are intended to deliver. They infer their actions, their queues, their entrances, and their exits. Their role is written for them, and not by them.

To dispel any doubt on the truth of this, I must speak directly to an underdiscussed truth: that the role of the Domme in these fantasies are prone to frequent recasting. A given sub may fantasize about, or have sessions with, a few Dommes, or a few dozen Dommes, each playing essentially the same role without the fantasy changing in any substantial way. 

This is the nature of personal fantasies: they are principally concerned with the person doing the fantasizing, with other people acting as props, prompts, or proxies. This applies to fantasies of all sorts, sexual or otherwise: the characters that are not ourselves admire, admonish, or adore us in service to our needs, with no real needs of their own. It's a small slice of fiction entirely concerned with us, and that's fine. Some of our fantasies serve to motivate us, others as symbols of catharsis, still others as a refuge of relief from some aspect of our day to day interactions we'd enjoy setting aside for a time.

In the context of kink, the fantasy aspect of these scenarios is acknowledged via the boundaries and rules of engagement involved. Mistress Matisse, a regular contributor to the Savage Love podcast, refers to kink as "Masters Degree sexuality", referring to the careful process of clear explanation, negotiation, and communication involved in navigating a sexual fantasy scenario. Most kink communities have a very robust collective understanding of these communication dynamics and offer exhaustive resources for helping newcomers "learn the ropes" (yes. Yes, I did).

The boundaries that a Domme and a sub negotiate and agree upon serve many purposes, such as insuring that the play is safe and satisfying to all involved. In the case of a Pro Domme, this includes appropriate compensation for the Domme setting aside some of their own preferences in order to better fulfill the fantasies of the sub. Whether or not direct compensation is involved, these boundaries also serve to recognize and protect the personhood of both the Domme and the sub. It is a mutual acknowledgement that the fantasy has defined bounds, within which the normal rules of mutual respect can be safely suspended as agreed upon. 

When those boundaries are crossed or ignored, the fantasy intrudes on out-of-scene life, and that intrusion is an immediate affront to the personhood of the other person. In the case of the sub crossing the boundaries established by the Domme, the fiction of the fantasy is being applied outside the agreed upon bounds, and we must remember that in that fiction the Domme is not really, truly, recognized as a person. They are being treated as a prop outside the time in which they've said it's okay to do so.

There's a word for that: dehumanizing. It's beyond mere disrespect, and it directly contradicts the tenets of the Domme-sub roles (inside or outside the fiction). The sub who ignores a Domme's boundaries is effectively saying "I worship you unless you don't give me what I want, when I want it", which is a very curious kind of worship.

The sub who ignores those boundaries in order to prompt the punishment scenario they desire is effectively communicating something made clearer by stripping away the overtly false language of "worship": "I disrespected you (the transgression) to create a pretext to disrespect you again (the boundary-crossing contact) to reduce you to a prop (the forced beginning of a "scene" style interaction) so you can gratify me (via the punishment)."

"i'm sorry, it wasn't my intention!"

Oh, an accident just happened to give you exactly what you want, without playing by the rules, at no cost to yourself, but substantial cost to someone else?

There's a word for that kind of "accident". The word is theft, but here there's more than commerce at play.

As we've already discussed, the cycle of transgression-admission-punishment is the main payoff for some people. That one-two-three is the money shot moment that their sexual fantasies build around. That's fine. Like most every psycho-sexual scenario, it can be integrated into a healthy process of negotiation and clear, honest communication. This one, however, is especially tricky.

Imagine we have two subs on their way to a session with their favorite Domme. sub one has a kink for breath play. sub two enjoys the transgression-punishment cycle.
Both subs arrive late and realize they'd left their payment at home. The Dommes send them home with a harsh word and a wink and a reminder to be on-time and ready next time they book a session.
sub one goes home disappointed.
sub two got exactly what they wanted.

I don't believe there's a solid link between certain sexual interests and other aspects of personal character, i.e. I don't believe that people into one flavor of kink are more honest or caring or intelligent than people into any other flavor of kink. A fascination with transgressions and punishments, however, poses some unique challenges for the sub. It can be very easy to fall into a cycle in which one swings between "good behavior" (negotiates for scenarios, honestly discusses interests, respects the rules and boundaries set down by the Domme) and "bad behavior" (violates boundaries, breaks rules/commitments, expects the punishment of their preference, then enjoys a good grovel). This cycle is especially easy to fall into because the sub who enjoys crossing a line, getting caught, and being spanked for it is getting what they want throughout that swing of the pendulum. It is dangerously easy to fall into a perspective where the "good behavior" scenario (in which the Domme is respected) is interchangeable with the "bad behavior" scenario (where the Domme is being treated contemptuously, even if not outright robbed).

Every kink has some sort of pitfall or potential set of toxic habits that must be recognized and avoided. The same can be said of golf, poker, or sexuality in general. This is part of why being honest is so important, both with yourself and any Dommes or playmates. If you aren't honest about what you want you don't understand how it can run off the rails in a way that leaves you frustrated and abandoned by Domme or play partner. In this particular situation, lack of self-honesty also opens the possibility of increasingly large, and unexamined, reserves of shame. Not the fun, flushed-cheeks, wink-wink sexy shame, but the honest-to-goodness, eating your life from the inside-out until there's nothing left but the lies kind of shame.

That last part may sound a bit dramatic, exaggerated, or crazy sexy hot (and seriously, I am always up for negotiating a hot "existential dread" session. Mmmmmmmm....Camus).

FAIR WARNING: 

WE GET A BIT RAW FROM HERE ON OUT

Ellechemistry Turns One

Ellechemistry.com celebrates 1 year with a beautifully and purposefully designed new version of the site. Some changes you may notice include the picture Gallery page becoming a Video Gallery and boutique. My intention is to create an evolving and interactive experience for visitors.

Instead of having a separate forum for discussion the focus is on a more intimate exploration of hypnosis. New embedded playlists can be streamed and sessions themselves are now comment and download enabled. Listeners can like or leave comments with time codes at specific points of any of their favourite parts of any of My sessions.

The menu bar is the fastest way to wherever you need to get to on the site and redundant pages are gone. After spending a full year closely observing site traffic patterns, I have assembled all of My highest quality content to flow smoothly into the consciousness of the viewer.

Some aesthetic changes that I am especially pleased with include the new colour palette, background images and how My blog looks when viewed from the Blog page. The Twitter app allows for subjects to live tweet Me with their comments, questions or as they listen to playlists and become more and more suggestible.

If you've been looking around you may have noticed that I have had some fun with easter eggs. I am inspired and it is My intention to post new content every Friday for the next several weeks. Based on response that could become permanent.

Those who have followed Me from the beginning know that I didn't rush to launch a site. I spent years building My library and wanted My website to be just right or not at all. Ellechemistry.com is My home and you will see more and more of Me here as I work to create another level and layer of depth and meaning to this pastime we all enjoy so much.

Ellechemy

+<3

Simpatico

I want you to think of Simpatico as an essential album of top level sessions designed to create a state of like-mindedness between subject and hypnotist. The psychological virtues of using hypnosis and the rewards of doing so are explored in depth beginning with the hypnotic trust exercise session 'Doubtless'. 

Simpatico asks not for the subject to trust Me, the hypnotist, but to trust one's self and to invite the subconscious to integrate new levels of self awareness. Simpatico asks the listener not to search outside of self for what is missing, but instead teaches  how to process and integrate that which has already been taken in.

Whether the goal is to build the confidence required to take a big step or simply to begin to seriously contemplate even a small one, Simpatico takes the subject back to the beginning for a fresh start. I am often asked by those who have trained with My syllabus what the ultimate goal for Me and My subject is at the end of this course ware. Inducing an enduring mental state of open awareness that empowers a subject to safely explore their desires and even bring them to life has always been My motivation. 

For those who desire a new or improved real life D/s relationship, this series will get the subject ready and confident to take the next step in their own personal journey. This series will become a prerequisite for subjects who wish to session with Me in real time serving to build rapport and trust between hypnotist and subject. 

A self assured subject is going to know how to be able to feel safe in any given situation. Even if you know My boundaries exceed yours, you understand that I will not exceed yours unless asked. I want you to feel like you can approach Me in order to get to know Me better, and to learn what I want from you, in any given situation, and that you are wise to do so. 

If you have already trained intensively with My Syllabus then you have already been instilled with more than just triggers, post hypnotic suggestions and other behavioral modifications. I have imparted upon you new values and a renewed sense of purpose and place, reminding you that the subconscious is the realm of dreams and aspirations.

 Ellechemy 

+<3

Life of a Domme

- or How I Learned to Make the Most of My Manicure

There are many things I have freedom from having to do ever again, and I can tell you without reservation how liberating it is for someone like Me to have this luxury.

I don't set alarms anymore. I have slaves for that. I much prefer waking to a naked male offering Me a freshly brewed coffee rather than breaking a nail from pounding on a flashing, bleating box buzzing by My head. My mornings have never been better, while My sleep is sounder, still, knowing a dependable & eager to serve slave will see to it that I do not oversleep.

I rarely open doors of any kind. This pleases Me greatly, as doing so Myself has been a source of more destroyed manicures than I care to remember. This includes but is not limited to car doors which are the worst for potentially bending or breaking a nail. Nothing beats this simply chivalrous gesture, & be sure that everyone notices and many compliment the male who does this for a Woman. Every time I go somewhere I make an entrance, as My devoted servant gets the door and allows Me to enter before they do.

I have a car I love, but I no longer drive. It's far more desirable to be chauffeured to My destination, always on time, never having to contend with the rain or having to search for parking. Instead, I catch up on My messages and enjoy My Starbucks. It goes without saying that I haven't pumped gasoline or topped off the oil with these hands lately.

I never need to cook or prepare meals because I have people for that. I will never nick a finger or chip a nail in the kitchen again. This goes for kitchen clean up as well. That's several hours each day that I now spend leisurely: bubble baths, facials, paraffin wax treatments, workouts etc.
No more laundry washing or folding for these hands. That is taken care of as well and it gives Me more time to either let My polish dry or to make appointments for manis & pedis. Either way, I end up with perfect nails & even more time to be devious.

I do have a wickedly exciting career in a dynamic & creative industry, but I can afford to pick & choose the work and the environment that best suits My pampered lifestyle. Trust Me, I don't go to work in miserable weather where My hands & feet will suffer in cold or wet locations! When I do say yes to work, it's usually super fun with long enough breaks to write blogs like this or to map out session ideas.

I also like to experiment with stealth inductions while at work. By far long shiny fingernails produce the most positive & best results. My theory about this is that there is nothing overtly creepy about a man staring at a woman's hands for any length of time. This lends itself to many opportunities in innocent-seeming circumstances: conversation at the water cooler, standing in the same line, and countless other public settings where a subject might not expect to find their self-control stealthily and certainly subverted. I enjoy testing how quickly I can pull someone into following My direction through subtle manipulation of body language. Before long, My hapless subject may find themselves mimicking My gestures, even if it means spilling their drink.

It's adorable & endearing how powerful My long, shiny, stiletto fingernails are over a hungry submissive mind. Seeing Me trace or tap My nails across a surface can be a point of focus or fixation for many subjects. The sound as well as the visual can induce a hypnotic state or can become a new fetish or trigger.

Ah, but the number one way I have managed to keep My talons long & pointy is by having someone else lace, buckle, zip or tie up My boots or shoes for Me. Bonus? Having a slave in their place: right at My feet.

Interested? Intrigued? Any of My dear subjects that find their thoughts caught on the tips of My nails may feed their fascination and honor Me with a little devotional task: Find five high-quality photographs of enchanting, captivating women, featuring their fingernails. During the search feel free to reflect on My fingers swirling through your thoughts. When you've found five suitable images, email them to me with the subject heading "Fixating Fingers". I look forward to seeing what you find.

We All Go A Little Crazy At Christmas

(theme music)

People often ask Me what they can do for Me to please Me, to impress Me or show their devotion to Me, but above all: what can they do to really stand out among the many. I really do have everything I could possibly need, the tributes roll in on schedule and My WishLists have been filled and bought out many times over. I get flowers sent, gifts brought to My door, trips to the spa, and even a platinum card with My name on it whose bills go to one very generous slave. However after mentioning all of these types of suggestions, I am beginning to wonder if some of My current and potential devoted subjects are hoping for a more unique, personal and one of a kind way to show their truest feelings to Me. 

I have sat down long and hard to come up with a selection of truly one of a kind, stand out above the rest, very original ideas you could pursue in the hopes of getting My attention and appreciation. As someone recently told Me upon hearing that they had made Me laugh, “Giving someone like You the gift of laughter is the best thing I could ever do for You.”

So, in no particular order, here is a Very Special Ellechemical Treasure Hunt, open to all who may dare, gamble pride in the hopes to please, risk public ridicule, and perhaps face a possible awkward confrontation, all for the promise of a little time spent in My limelight. Get on it. They say there is only one chance to make a first impression. I say there are countless opportunities to bring someone special  joy.

Your MANTRA (excuse) will be: “I’m trying to win a contest.”

1.   A fax of a picture of a smartphone displaying this page.

2.   A picture of a Starbucks cup/jacket with at least 7 instructions on it.

3.   A picture of you riding transit with a ticket no less than 1 year expired.

4.   A photo of you checking an email from Me from your car – but not using a smartphone, laptop or tablet.

5.   A photo of your elaborate presentation of a TV dinner which must include the original packaging.

6.   A screen shot of a Facebook post of your creation that elicits no less than 3 WTF’s.

7.   A photo of you in a shirt with a 6”x 6” QR code that links to: A YouTube video of someone churning butter.

8.   A photo of you at a movie theatre with at least 3 other people.

9.   Proof that you have a Google + account that you actually use.

10. A photo of a grocery receipt containing: Vegetable Oil, Cucumber, Eggplant, Vaseline and Icy Hot AND NOTHING ELSE except a tube of Polysporin if you want to go for the gold.

11. A photo of you in the hippest restaurant you can find eating a can of Spam. (If, and only if, you are a vegan, you may substitute for a gallon jar of pickles.)

12. Screen shots of your (CraigsList or equivalent) correspondence with a dog walker making arrangements to walk your Komodo Dragon.

13. A picture of you in a coffee shop holding a receipt proving you bought the next 5 coffees in line.

14. An avatar of Me or of Me and you together created in Microsoft Paint.

15. The high score on an arcade game – In My Name.

16. Proof that you made a tribute to Me from as far back as you are able to find. 

17. A 30-60 second video of you on crowded public transit wearing headphones and singing OUT LOUD one or more of the following songs: “9 to 5” by Dolly Parton, “Morning Train” by Sheena Easton, “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor, “Final Countdown” by Europe or “Memories” from CATS. 

18. A YouTube video of you participating in a non-violent flash mob. 

19. A link to a twitpic of a ‘selfie’ of you listening to one of My sessions laying on a bed in a mattress store. 

20. Proof of your having made a non-perishables donation to a Food Bank with items that you have adhered googly eyes to.

We both know some of these are easier than others, so if you are planning to do one of the easy ones without doing one of the harder ones (or promising to do one of the harder ones later) just know that I won’t really be all that impressed. If you are just going to fart around, don’t even bother. I have pictures of these in My mind that will only be outdone by a serious performance.

Happy Holidays Horde!

Hypnotically yours,

Ellechemy

+<3