Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Which Came First..?

Which Came First ~ The Domme or the sub?

I grew up in a rural landscape, miles from any convienience stores, let alone urban centres. The television dependant on good weather and rabbit ear antenna function. Channel choices remained in the single digits until I was well into double digits of age. I had only My dreams to guide and entertain Myself and My younger sister as We navigated through acres of country unsupervised but always curfewed. Somehow as long as I was in bed on time, it made no difference how I spent My days. Oh, and I should mention that very good grades and manners were simply expected and I became a perfectionist and overachiever.

All of this to say, I had no introduction to the concepts of kink except dreams and urges from deep within My Self. I do not believe, I *know* that I am the Dominant who has been born, not made. Imagine the reactions of adults who heard an 8 year old declare that if they had a 6 letter
 personalized liscence plate it would read MSTRSS. Or how adults held their tongues as I explained I took up horse riding because of the crops and whips. When asked about marriage, I always said I wanted to be the husband and I wanted the man to be the wife. Yet I was far to feminine to ever be called a tomboy.

Eventually other stimuli was introduced and imagery discovered.... all of which secretly validated Me because I had already moved far, far past it. But that was still long after I had tied My first boyfriend up not really even knowing why, only to  find Myself more attracted to him once in bondage. That was well after I orchestrated mind games on the school yard, where boys found themselves humiliated one after another yet coming back for more... especially the boys who would try to kiss the girls without permission. I was always very strict about boys needing permission from girls, and taught this to My sister and Our best friends.

Somewhere along the way, I heard of certain acts like bondage. I remember feeling like I had to experience what it was like to be on the other side, the recieving end of what I was about to do in a big way to others... especially someone I cared for or wanted to be with. It truly was in that moment that I knew My true Self to be not simply kinky but Dominant... and yes, rather kinky as well. Being tied up only needed to happen the once for Me to realize that there were some things I only wanted to give, not receive. More experimentation was in order and I found willing subjects who ended up becoming clients and for a time I lived a double life as a Pro Domme. I had many friends in the sex trade but none into D/s or B/D or S&M. There was no internet yet and I submerged Myself into cultures in two different countries to explore and learn more.

I uncovered many many things I enjoyed giving...I sensed it would soon be time for Me to learn what I wanted to receive. Then a funny thing happened. I was asked to do something that repulsed Me for a client into extreme humiliation scenarios. I reflexively charged way more instead of saying 'No' and told him how fucked up he was to even ask for such a thing. Part of Me was worried and certain he would just go to someone else who might injure him permanently were I to decline. There was an inner struggle of 'who is really going to be in charge here' especially if I am doing something that I wouldn't have ever wanted to do. In that moment I saw how differently things would be for Me if I could not find a very real way in which to maintain power and control over My subjects at all times. I didn't have a map, but a feeling which I let guide Me. I wanted to receive the power from them by learning what they wanted and needed above all else... and show them how low they would go to taste it. I practiced a very healthy form of dissociation which eventually led to another chain of pursuits: Psychology, Self Hypnosis, NLP and Remote Viewing. In the initial disconnect with a personality structured to function in a warped (to Me) society where lies and half truths are demmanded of Us... and leap of faith... I found something within Myself that illuminated every dark corner I ever had.

If you have ever tried something new only to discover an instant and natural talent for it... a gift.... then you will be able to relate to My first forays into the subjects listed above. Being experienced with trusting My gut and having faith in things unproveable to others, I had no real barriers preventing Me from uncovering more mysteries of the human mind and potential. There was no burden of proof to anyone other than Myself that this might turn into a tool or technique I would use when I felt it appropriate to do so. And there it is revealed for all with eyes to see it: I may react to your submissive needs, I may be drawn into your own personal psychodrama and I might even respond to your humble request(s)... but it will be at My discretion, and based on My needs, whims and mood at that very moment. As I often say, "Timing is everything". I came forth as a Dominant, Feminine, Alpha Female and the boys and men and even women and girls fell over themselves to get Me to notice them. They love the way it feels to receive My attention and encouragement of their submissive serving natures. It's what they are good at and I simply bring out the best in them. Experience, of which I have plenty, is a true teacher. In My case, I will always come first, and you... if you even get to come at all, know that it will be after Me.


Wednesday, 18 January 2012


We are going to face pain in our lifetimes and that seems inevitable. Whether it is pain borne of discipline or the pain of regret, somehow the beauty which surrounds us makes it all worthwhile. Pleasure makes us want and pain makes us move.  I have come to appreciate a mix of both, for what is  more powerful and effective than a good idea put into action. When acted upon, desire transforms, empowers and then reveals Me to My Self.

Synergy is defined as: the working together of two things to produce an effect greater than the sum of their individual effects. This speaks of value, of quality and of prize. In a life where we face a finite and limited amount of time... synergy is the definition of working smarter not harder. Quality wins versus quantity because:  None of us have all the time in the world to do all of the things we would.

Examples of synergy are all around us. The one I found in the dictionary was the combined use of muscles and use of drugs to increase the effects of either. This made Me smirk... of course. Sometimes 2 + 2 = 5 ... or more. In hypnosis, My aesthetic and artistic approach to getting intense responses in a wide spectrum of subjects, some of whom I have not even met, absolutely exploits these methods.

Even when we find something we really like, do we need to exclude other options or variations on the winning theme? Combinations involving our main fetish stand to really bend our linear and limited thinking. If we get lost in a ritual, our imaginations and dreams are isolated and die while creativity is held in a prison of regret. Therefore I challenge you to find a new way to make up and act on synergistic living. I do, every day.

Pain and Pleasure. Creating with these twin sensations, I work to mix and blend them into something new yet more than either combined. Folding the contrasting sensations together is part of My recipe for an encounter so sublime it quickly becomes addictive. Oh, and it is so addictive, but it sustains you. A true trap of endless variety and experience to hold you in its arms until you realize, understand and admit these arms are more like tentacles and you sought them out in darkness and in depths at every opportunity.