Nearly every day I receive an email or message from a slave who wants to serve or be trained. These are two very different things, though not mutually exclusive. Since a slave that is not at least partially trained is wholly unfit to serve, I will graciously cover the basics of training.
Most of those who send Me an impulsive message are not even ready to begin training. I look at these introductions and think, they need PREP.
So, in many ways this blog will seem very beginner or basic, but as My Prime Minister of Canada Justin Trudeau has been saying about the need for men as well as women to support Feminism, "Come on, it's 2016".
We will go over this because clearly there is a need for a refesher. In preparation to submit to the slave training process one must be capable of the following 3 acts, or steps. To achieve success or to reach a level of excellence, one must be passionate about these acts.
Step 1 : Consistent Humility
Every day you must do something to sacrelize (make sacred) your true slave transformation & reinforce your place. If you want to serve or be owned in any permanent way, this is going to be the first commitment you make.
Examples: Kiss the floor, write "slave" (on your self/or lines), wear a collar for 1 hour, train with an audio session (femdom). Anything that gets you into the head space of being of service. Look for opportunities to be of service to others throughout the day: (hold the door for someone, yielding to someone else in traffic, giving up your seat to someone in transit, etc.)
The point is not necessarily to carve out time for these acts, but to begin to incorporate them smoothly into your daily waking life, and always getting better at them.
(There will always be someone whose response to this is that they already do this, and that is the person who usually most needs a smack on the ass or a jerk on the collar to get them over themselves.)
There are people who dedicate every minute of every day of their lives perfecting humility to a level comparable to a master violinist.
A slave must be ready & willing to be of service. If you're doing it right every improvement only reveals how much more you have to learn. If you haven't yet become the subject of an internet sensation video featuring you restoring faith in humanity, then don't tell Me you do this already.
None of these acts should involve sexual gratification at the time, even though they may become sexualized in the slave's mind. None of these acts should involve "sucking up" as that is clearly an act of ambition, not one of humility. Only consistency will show over time, the sub's actual intent.
*Note: How a slave shows consistency will differ from how a Domme shows consistency. Always remember that Dommes are rare creatures while slaves exist in abundance. Many Dommes enjoy keeping numerous slaves, so do not be discouraged, but do be mindful that your Domme might not have the same amount of time that you do for a certain activity. For example, I am not always able to answer every message a slave sends, especially if the slave ends up sending 20 in one day. I will read every one, and ban them from sending more if it is interfering with My other tasks. I see these messages for the emotional and devotional outpourings that they are and answer the exuberant slave at the end of the day.
A slave should be able to give feedback WITHOUT any expectation as to what its Owner may or may not do with this information. There is a fine line between communication with a Domme and "free phone sex" so be prepared to write this down and submit it to Her with a tribute that acknowledges Her time in reading and responding.
*Consider: Meditate on the difference between genuine humility and humility as a bargaining tool (ambition).
Step 2 : The Will to Serve
Will you do as you are told? Even if it does not appear to provide instant gratification, a slave obeys. At all times, a slave does as it is told for its beloved, trusted Owner. Can you make a promise & keep it? Will you work hard to be a worthy slave? Are you able to tribute or otherwise give financial support? Could you devote a certain amount of time to being of service? Would you publicly (if anonymously) worship your Domme?
Be careful not to "be willing" to do things that do more for you than for Her.
Do not become the promo-slave with minimal followers and expect an established Domme to see that as anything but self-serving.
Be aware, you will assume some risk up front in the form of a paid deposit for Her time. The sooner you understand that She is being approached full-time by subs whose intentions are for a quick thrill or to drag out negotiations for a service they have NO intention of paying for (known as time-wasters), the sooner you will be on the right side of Her screening process.
Every day I get messages from slaves saying "Mistress! Help Me! I need discipline!" I completely agree but not in the way they're thinking (and that thinking is evidence that this is true). Don't be the slave who calls out for "discipline" as true discipline is something that cannot simply be given.
Discipline and punishment are NOT the same thing. The D in BDSM is not true discipline, but retaliatory punishment. The discipline of the Domme is Self-Mastery, a commitment to exerting one's will over one's actions more than actions exert power over one's will.
The discipline of the slave is the commitment to serve the Domme even when it does not serve the slave.
A Domme will show a slave the way to self-discipline & the slave will follow. A slave will not disobey for attention. A slave will think of ways to do better than what is expected of it - it will exceed those expectations through creativity, ingenuity or sheer perversity. A Domme's love & discipline will make the slave see even more potential & possibilities than it could ever imagine or realize on its own.
*Note: Willingness is what separates the true subjects from the so-called "fuck-boys" of the internet/world. If every task involves the sub's sexual gratification or puts demands on the Dommes time, then the Domme will never take the sub seriously and the sub will never progress beyond a pay-for-play relationship. In the sub's eagerness to serve, they may intentionally or mistakenly skip over the training. That is like only doing the stretches on your workout regime: it may feel good, but you missed the real point of the exercise.
*Consider: Perform all of your most difficult or least appealing tasks first. Meditate on gratitude and how you express it.
Step 3 : Trust & TruthA slave will ALWAYS do its best for someone who it trusts. It is imperative that the slave knows itself well enough to recognize when a Domme understands it. An established Domme will have more of everything to offer Her slave-in-training. An experienced Domme will be able to negotiate the intense emotional landscape of D/s safely. And if the two of you are not a good fit at this time, a successful Domme will be able to do the right thing and let the slave go without being dependent upon the slave for any reason.
A new Domme does not yet have the full power to truly handle an emotional new slave who is hurtling through subspace, unable to voice its needs. It is My opinion and experience that the the best clients for new Dommes are experienced slaves, shared slaves and the casual noob role-playing submissive. When I was a new Domme, I had an "old" slave who I learned so much from it could fill several blogs. This is a natural order of stable growth for a scene that is mostly and best self-regulated by its members.
A sub with an inexperienced Domme can go through years of pain and suffering that is not the sexy kind. I receive so many letters from subs who have become depressed by the process and it is not easy to move out of that. They have My deepest sympathies. A submissive with the right Domme can actually become trained to serve so well that they eventually end up in a happy long term D/s relationship with an Alpha or a Domme that is right for them. I have done this with distance slaves and am still in contact with them. I have helped numerous submissives build the skills and self-knowledge needed to succeed in real-life loving relationships with their Dominant life partner. Seeing them owned, serving and loved makes Me incredibly proud and happy for everyone involved. It was an honor to release them from service to Me and into the hands and cages of their capable Owners.
None of this was achieved without mutual awareness and trust. The kind that goes both ways. There is no trust where was no risk. Trust comes in time. The responsible thing to do is to give this time, because time is the other ingredient of trust.
I know for an inexperienced sub that words like trust and responsibility don't seem very sexy. Now, trust Me, the reality of a trusting mutually responsible and respectful D/s relationship far exceeds the wildest weirdest darkest fantasy your pervy little mind can concoct.
*Note: No serious sub can expect to pick a Domme by 1 quality alone. Whether judging a Domme by looks, number of followers, Her name, Her specialty, Her location, Her equipment, etc the slave who is serious will do their research. Read reviews, talk to someone who is in service to Her and expect to tribute in some way during a getting-to-know-each-other period. I recommend setting up some kind of paid phone consultation or first intro session which can cover lots of ground. Be sure to communicate to the Domme that this is your intent as these introductory sessions are most useful when everyone is prepared.