People often ask Me what they can do for Me to please Me, to impress Me or show their devotion to Me, but above all: what can they do to really stand out among the many. I really do have everything I could possibly need, the tributes roll in on schedule and My WishLists have been filled and bought out many times over. I get flowers sent, gifts brought to My door, trips to the spa, and even a platinum card with My name on it whose bills go to one very generous slave. However after mentioning all of these types of suggestions, I am beginning to wonder if some of My current and potential devoted subjects are hoping for a more unique, personal and one of a kind way to show their truest feelings to Me.
I have sat down long and hard to come up with a selection of truly one of a kind, stand out above the rest, very original ideas you could pursue in the hopes of getting My attention and appreciation. As someone recently told Me upon hearing that they had made Me laugh, “Giving someone like You the gift of laughter is the best thing I could ever do for You.”
So, in no particular order, here is a Very Special Ellechemical Treasure Hunt, open to all who may dare, gamble pride in the hopes to please, risk public ridicule, and perhaps face a possible awkward confrontation, all for the promise of a little time spent in My limelight. Get on it. They say there is only one chance to make a first impression. I say there are countless opportunities to bring someone special joy.
Your MANTRA (excuse) will be: “I’m trying to win a contest.”
1. A fax of a picture of a smartphone displaying this page.
2. A picture of a Starbucks cup/jacket with at least 7 instructions on it.
3. A picture of you riding transit with a ticket no less than 1 year expired.
4. A photo of you checking an email from Me from your car – but not using a smartphone, laptop or tablet.
5. A photo of your elaborate presentation of a TV dinner which must include the original packaging.
6. A screen shot of a Facebook post of your creation that elicits no less than 3 WTF’s.
7. A photo of you in a shirt with a 6”x 6” QR code that links to: A YouTube video of someone churning butter.
8. A photo of you at a movie theatre with at least 3 other people.
9. Proof that you have a Google + account that you actually use.
10. A photo of a grocery receipt containing: Vegetable Oil, Cucumber, Eggplant, Vaseline and Icy Hot AND NOTHING ELSE except a tube of Polysporin if you want to go for the gold.
11. A photo of you in the hippest restaurant you can find eating a can of Spam. (If, and only if, you are a vegan, you may substitute for a gallon jar of pickles.)
12. Screen shots of your (CraigsList or equivalent) correspondence with a dog walker making arrangements to walk your Komodo Dragon.
13. A picture of you in a coffee shop holding a receipt proving you bought the next 5 coffees in line.
14. An avatar of Me or of Me and you together created in Microsoft Paint.
15. The high score on an arcade game – In My Name.
16. Proof that you made a tribute to Me from as far back as you are able to find.
17. A 30-60 second video of you on crowded public transit wearing headphones and singing OUT LOUD one or more of the following songs: “9 to 5” by Dolly Parton, “Morning Train” by Sheena Easton, “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor, “Final Countdown” by Europe or “Memories” from CATS.
18. A YouTube video of you participating in a non-violent flash mob.
19. A link to a twitpic of a ‘selfie’ of you listening to one of My sessions laying on a bed in a mattress store.
20. Proof of your having made a non-perishables donation to a Food Bank with items that you have adhered googly eyes to.
We both know some of these are easier than others, so if you are planning to do one of the easy ones without doing one of the harder ones (or promising to do one of the harder ones later) just know that I won’t really be all that impressed. If you are just going to fart around, don’t even bother. I have pictures of these in My mind that will only be outdone by a serious performance.
Happy Holidays Horde!